I’m fat.

Sometimes there are phrases that have so much baggage that you end up too tired to unpack them and mentally check out of a situation. You end up having animosity towards the person wanting to have the conversation that you disengage. I fully know that “I’m fat” is one of those phrases but I’m hoping that you’ll let me at least begin to unpack my thoughts surrounding this so we can have a conversation around size that doesn’t completely disintegrate and leave us even more bitter.

Size has been more consciously polarizing recently than I ever remember it being. Although I may have just been too self centered to notice until now. My personal size has also been a topic of this blog since it’s inception via my weight loss journey. I have gotten to a place where it has become irrelevant what others think of my size in regards to my beauty. My beauty exists regardless of my size in that my beauty is more than just my size. So regardless of whether I’m physically attractive, I still have beauty. As Kevin put it, “It’s ‘is she hot?’ Not ‘would you do her?’ Respect the game.”

From my perspective, this is how the fat acceptance movement ended up in left field in regards to mainstream society. There are two competing arguments. I think most rational people can agree that the entirety of our experience, worth, and ability can’t be balanced on one concept. Especially when that one concept carries negative assumptions like weight or disability. So yes, I am fat, but I am more than that. You may have to accept that I am fat but it should not be the limiting factor as to whether I’m a worthwhile human being.

That being said, I shouldn’t be discounted because I want to find my health. My health lies in being smaller whether that’s true for others or not. My existence doesn’t detract from yours. There is this idea that because someone wants to lose weight, they are not accepting of fat bodies existing. Condos can exist and I don’t have to want them. It doesn’t mean that they don’t have worth. It simply doesn’t fit the lifestyle I want to have. I’m also not saying I want to be a twig, I just want a lifestyle and a health profile that fit my goals.

I also don’t want to totally gloss over the Health at Any/Every Size portion of this issue. Yes you can work on being the healthiest version of yourself wherever you are at. That doesn’t mean you will be the healthiest person you could be. I work towards being as healthy as possible but that doesn’t negate the fact that my weight causes joint pain which reduces my ability to do certain things and takes a toll on my quality of life.

Regardless of where you’re at in life, accepting who you are for both your gifts and your limitations is essential. I haven’t perfected it, but like always, I’m a work in progress.